Insane Mystery Art Commissions!

Custom Drawings by one or both of the Calavara Twins! | Instagram |
Also: Check out our Draw-Your-Nemesis service!

Have you ever felt the burning need to commission an original work of art by the world's most highly self-regarded artist? Well, GOOD NEWS!
You have found your way to the place to do that very thing!

Here's how the process works:
  1. You give us a short request.
  2. We do a ~6"x9" drawing using ink.
  3. We mail you the drawing.
  4. You do a happy dance.
The actual drawing will be a surprise, meant to mystify and delight you upon its arrival. It will be whatever we feel like drawing based on your prompt, using whichever style and aesthetic we feel like doing it in. It might be black and white, it might have an inkwash, it might be colored somehow.

Includes a free autographed book!

That's right, as well as getting your custom original drawing, we'll mail you an autographed copy of one of our many books, chosen at random.

We hope you'll be delighted with the result, but if you're not, well, that's what makes this so much cheaper than our usual hourly rates for illustration!


Commission Your Drawing Here:

(Shipping included. Please allow 4-8 weeks for delivery)

$65.00 - Ink Commission!
(Drawing will be suitable for your grandma)

So whattaya want?

$65.00 - Ink Commission After Dark!
(Drawing may include wangs, boobies, humping,
or other amazing NSFW awesome action)

So whattaya want?

If you'd like to give this service as a gift, we can
absolutely put together some kind of printable gift certificate!

Small Print: It should be noted that while you'll own the original artwork, and you can post it on your social media and stuff, the actual image rights are retained by the artist, so no sneaky making money off of it or anything.

all bathos, pathos, images, words, ennui, stories, et al copyright © 2018 Never Knows Heavy Manufacturing Concern, P. Calavara & Rick Perry.